It's been quite a while since I blogged. To be truthful, not much has come to mind, except some deeply personal things I have been on a quest to accomplish, which I will share with you in a moment.
I have not had much time lately to devote to my favorite pastime of knitting, but did manage to make an infinity scarf, and start another. The first one I completed, will not go on sale in Etsy, as I have conflicted opinions about it. It is not up to par of the work I know I can do, but it does look fairly decent, but may end up in either the gift pile, or donation pile. I am currently working on another infinity scarf. It may go on to be listed for sale on Etsy. Time will tell, after it has been finished and blocked.
Here are a few pictures to give you an idea. For starters, if you are curious, the pattern is really super easy and basic. I get a lot of ideas from Knit Picky, as they send me dozens of patterns on a daily basis. The pattern for both of the scarves is as follows: Cast on 200 stitches, join together the first row, and place a stitch marker to indicate the end of the first row, and beginning of the next row, being careful not to twist your work. I did not use a stitch marker, but used the tail end of the cast on stitches to be my guide. Anyway.. Knit two rows, Purl two rows and repeat until the scarf is about six inches wide, or til you run out of yarn.
A word of caution: On the first scarf, the yarn is a silk blend, and is delicate. My work got twisted, and I was ready to give it up. In the process of frogging my work, the yarn sustained some damage. I started over, and frankly, did not care if it got twisted again, as it is only yarn, right? To my surprise, my work was not twisted at all, but I did run out of the main color and finished up with two separate yarns: light blue boucle yarn and a silver metallic yarn. The end results are not bad, but not "sellable" in my mind, or professional looking at all. Here are some pics: The first two pictures of the completed scarf was knitted on my trusty Addi Turbos US size 8 circular knitting needles. These have a 47 inch cable.
Onward to other stuff, and it's my basis lately for a lot of soul searching.
Have you ever wondered how your life would be if you did not know where you came from, without so much as a clue? That is the journey I have been on for the past several days. Although, I do know some things of my humble beginnings of life on this earth, it would still be nice to know more, to fill those holes in my own personal history. What medical history directly affects my lineage? What information can I pass on to my children and grandchildren? What do we need to prepare ourselves for? What traits and mannerisms do we share with relatives we've never met, or ancestors we have never heard of, but are perhaps providing guidance, unbeknownst to us, as we travel through this life, this plane of existence? How are our adoptive parents doing? Do they even think about us? Do they miss us, like we miss them? Do they even care.. or do we even care? There are a lot of conflicting emotions to proces too, Anger, anger at the system, anger towards the families who rejected us, Confusion, Betrayal, all of the negative and angst filled feelings mixed with love, acceptance, and sometimes a begrudging type of acceptance of the cards we have been dealt, but at the same time, not allowing ourselves to feel or be victimized by the situation, but to be empowered by what we know, and what we can do. A lot of unanswered questions and no easy path to find the answers.
To be adopted is a mixed bag of blessings and curses. To not fit in with one culture, and not quite fit into another culture can be quite confusing, and a cause for soul searching. This is the deeply personal path I have been on.
What I have come to realize, is the path we create is solely our own. It is our path, our story, and sometimes, even though it is our story, and ours alone, we do always not control the ending, nor the circumstances which surround the ending or the mystery of it all. I suppose the time has to be right. Sometimes when you are on a quest for answers, they elude you, even when you feel it is within your grasp; to know and to understand "why?" Other times, the pieces will fall together just perfectly, and then you realize it was meant to be, in the manner it was chosen to happen, by God, or the Universe, or other Powers that be, in accordance to your belief system.
In spite of all of this, it is much easier to sit back and reflect on how you lived your life and count your blessings and sometimes, even your curses.. sometimes what seems to be a curse was actually a blessing, which again bears the question: Why wasn't I good enough to know the truth? Because, from truth, comes knowledge; and from knowledge comes understanding, and then finally peace, and in an odd sense, empowerment. Those are my thoughts at this very moment. My grandmother used to have questions about the bible for her minister, (and truthfully, I don't even think he knew the answers either,) what she shared with me that day still rings true, as his answer to her was simple: We will never know the answer until we reach the other side. For some of us, this is true.
The most important thing in this life is this: Count your blessings, hold the people you love closest to your heart, and be kind. Live a good life.
My friends, you know where to find me.
www.facebook.com/CrazyCozyChick
and www.CrazyCozyChick.Etsy.com
